My Final Confession
by KiubbiKat
Summary: Nepeta knows shes going to die, but that doesn't mean she cant say goodbye, right? a small 'what if' of "[S] Seek The Highbl00d". this time Karkat has flushed feelings for Nepeta, so of course the pairings are Karkat X Nepeta, and actually a bit of Karkat X Terezi. more information inside
1. Chapter 1

***sobs grossly* I'm getting way into Homestuck, im already on Act 6, I don't want to leave the Hetalia fandom, even if the two fandoms are married. I don't wanna *sobs loudly* ugh, well, this is a "What If", so there are a few minor changes to the original plot, including Nepeta being beheaded, like in the Scratched Disk part, sorry, spoilers.**

**(CHAPTER ONE)**

Who would have known this would have gone so badly, who would have known that Gamzee had snapped this bad. Hell, he scrapped his own face with my claws; I don't even understand what evil was pounding through his head. I had run away, hiding behind some boxes and finding an old recorder. Just then I realized that my time was ending. I was going to die, and I hadn't said good bye to anyone I loved. I scooped up the recorder and continued to hide, lasting about half an hour before I finally decided to leave my last words. My final confession.

~X~

My head smashed into the recorder as the bowling pin came swinging down, hitting the back of my head full force. I screamed in pain, rolling over and pushing the recorder away. One of the little tabs used as a stand to keep the recorder at an angle had been pointed towards me, piercing my left eye when my head smashed into the machinery, and snapped off. I rolled over, ripping it out and sobbing softly as olive green blood leaked out, staining my hands and my clothes. I was weak, Gamzee had found me, and there was no way of getting out alive. I was glad I hadn't smashed the poor recorder; that would have made the whole ordeal worthless. Every word, absolutely worthless now that no one could hear them. Worthless even after I spoke them. Worthless. Just like me. I curled up a bit, waiting for the final blow. Instead, my hat was ripped off, flung away, and my hair was grabbed to drag me behind Gamzee, struggling and failing to stay upright as he brought me to wherever else. I turned back just enough to see Equius' body, and I reached out my hand, wanting to die near him. But no, I was dragged along against the rough cold floor to my doom. And I couldn't have cared more. I sobbed gently, thinking over who would come and find me- I mean, find Equius. Gamzee was going to rip me to shreds, literally... I asked him to save something, maybe my good eye, or my hat, something not at all sexual, to give to Karkat... I asked him not to tell him I wanted that. I don't believe he'll do it. But at least my hat will only be the least bit dirty, it landed on a clean spot of ground, and the back of my head wasn't bleeding, and the blood from my eye hadn't reached it, so I was glad. Gamzee dragged me into a new room, and threw me to the floor; I stayed there, whimpering and sobbing.

"NoW YoUr gOnNa mOtHeRfUcKiNg pAy fOr sTePpInG In aNd wAsTiNg aLl tHaT TiMe tAlKiNg" he swung, smashing in my ribs with his pin and gaining a bloodcurdling scream from me. I earned another, and another, before he grabbed my hair and pulled me up to see him.

"nOw YouR LoOsInG oNe Of YoUr HoRnS. i'M gOnNa SaW iT oFf." I couldn't speak; I was in too much pain. I just let him go as he dropped me and grabbed a new tool. This was a fairly large metal ring with handles on both sides, and sharp, serrated teeth inside. He unclasped that, and clamped it on right above where my right horn grew out of, and slowly turned. The pain was excruciating. Every pained twitch just sawed deeper, and the further in it'd go, the lower and tighter he'd make it so it'd make a deep rounded hole in my head. I could no longer see, the blood just covered me as he finally finished, dropping the tool. Next, a rough cloth rubbed over my face, whipping away the blood.

"AnY tHiNg ElSe YoU wAnT mOtHeRfUcKiNg TaKeN oFf?" Gamzee chuckled, letting me sit on the floor. I shook my head gently, my head feeling lighter now that I was missing blood and a large chunk of horn. He only chuckled, leaning down so I could look him straight in the eye.

"fInE tHeN, i'Ll ChOoSe" Gamzee hissed, knocking me on my back. I thumped gently, too tired and sore to fight back. A quick smack from the pin had my teeth shattering in my mouth, slipping to the back of my throat, only to be coughed back up, covered in olive green blood. Gamzee smiled mischievously, bending down to look me in the eyes "sO, aNy LaSt WoRdS?" He hissed, smirking gently. Instead of staying in place, I nodded gently.

"I don't… w-want Karkat seeing… seeing me. After you kill me…. Please give him some-something from me instead… And destroy my body" I mumbled, trying to speak around the teeth that have fallen out. Gamzee just smiled lightly, holding out his hand.

"ThEn SpIt OuT yOuR tEeTh, aNd I'lL gO gIvE tHeM tO kArBrO lAtEr" I spit out my teeth, but drew back, shaking my head gently

"Not my teeth. Why would he want to remember me by my teeth? Give him my hat, or my horn…. My heart" I murmured, dipping my head lightly in sadness. Karkat had never known of my feelings; maybe he wouldn't even accept the things given to him. I never got to tell Karkat my feelings, I greatly regret he'll be grossed out and disgusted of me and only hate me more. Maybe when I'm dead I could haunt him, still around because of my murder and unrequited love. Karkat had always hated me; he once called me 'autistic' for Gog's sake. I looked back up to Gamzee, a small smile on his face, twisted in an insane smirk.

"AlRiGhT tHeN, rEaDy?" he chuckled, raising his pin, speckled and drenched in all the colors of the blood spectrum. I nodded gently, raising my head in broken and beaten pride.

"ThReE, tWo, OnE" and the pin came down, smashing into my head, and knocking me to the ground. I took a tiny gasp, before letting a sad smile wash onto my face. I could finally be happy. Karkat would die soon, and he would join me, and I myself would join Equius and everybody else who had died. With barely living nerves, I felt Gamzee roll me onto my back, and push my shirt up. He wasn't going to take advantage of me, I was dying, and what use would my body be to an insane man? He would do nothing sexual to it, I knew. Instead, I felt a sharp coolness run around the spot where my heart was, and two distinct cracks. He had removed the skin above my heart, and had done the same thing with my ribs. With a final few tears, I felt the tubes connected break, and I slipped into suffocating, gurgling darkness. My own sight being drowned by my life, colored a deep olive green.


	2. Chapter 2

**(CHAPTER TWO)**

Karkat had finally calmed down Gamzee; the taller, post-snapped troll shaking gently. Karkat tried to give a reassuring smile, rubbing his back as he slid to his knees.

"I'M SoRrY KaRbRo, I ReaLly aM" he mumbled, putting his face in his hands. Karkat only gave a shaky smile.

"h-hey bud, its fine, it wasn't your fault" he spoke, patting his back awkwardly. Gamzee only shook his head, turning his juggling pin to show the side drenched in deep, olive green blood.

"No kArBrO. fOr tHis" he choked out, setting the pin down "SiS LoVeD YoU So mUcH. sHe- ShE WaNtEd tO GiVe yOu sOmEtHiNg tO ReMeMbEr heR By… I mAdE SuRe hEr hAt dIdN'T GeT RuInEd" Gamzee had gotten to his feet and walked away, picking up a slightly bloody box from behind one of the large pieces of machinery, and walking back over.

"Uh, Gamzee, w-what is that?" Karkat chuckled a bit fearfully, scooting away a bit. Gamzee set the box down, looking away in half shame. Karkat reached out, picking up the box. Opening it, his worst fears came true, sitting inside was three pieces of Nepeta's body. Her heart, wrapped delicately in slightly soaked cloth, her unsoiled hat, and her cleaned horn. They sat there, mocking him in their importance. Karkat choked back a sob, picking up the hat and pressing it to his face, closing his eyes to keep the candy red tears back. It still smelled of her; catnip, earth, and chalk from her countless wall drawings. Karkat could barely gain his voice, to ask the only important question on his mind.

"Where's her body Gamzee?" he choked out, looking up at the troll, his makeup smeared and adorned by three indigo claw marks, no doubt from when she tried to fight back. The juggalo troll only shook his head, looking down in shame.

"I cAn'T ReMeMbEr, ThAt's tHe pRoBlEm. I MiGhT hAvE dOnE WhAt ShE aSkEd Me ToO dO wItH iT…" he mumbled, trailing off and still looking away. The mutant-blooded troll only shook his head, taking a shaky breath.

"I-I'm going to look for her anyway" he choked out, standing up. The indigo-blood only shook his head, pointing to a small trail of olive blood, giving a silent explanation of where to start. Karkat only nodded, walking to a small puddle tucked near a few large metal boxes. Equius' body was near, he had been choked with a bow, the string had almost sliced into his neck, shown by the dribbles of blue near his collar bone. karkat swallowed shakily, looking around before spotting where the olive blood led to. It passed through a doorway, but he felt too fearful for the outcome to venture in there yet. Instead, he followed the trail a bit more; which lead to a bloodied recorder, the screen holding the tape cracked and broken. He quickly reached down, and picked up the device, whipping some of the blood away from the buttons. He choked slightly on his tears, rewinding the tape to the first and only recording on there, before finally pressing the button labeled 'Play'.


	3. Chapter 3

**(CHAPTER THREE)**

The tape started it's crackling, showing how poor the recording really was. A few seconds passed before a voice finally came through, soft and sweet and quiet. A small sad smile graced the candy-blooded troll's face at the sound of the deceased troll.

** "**Hi everybody, its Nepeta. So, um… I think I wont be able to see you guys for quite some time, so I made this. I have a only little time to say this, so I'll try to be quick. This is just a little speech I'd like to say, a little" the cat loving troll trailed off, the only noise being her soft, slightly painful breathing. Soon after did it come back **"**last words, kinda thing." She spoke, her voice obviously filled with upset. Karkat heard her take a small shaky breath, before starting again.

** "**I um, I wanted to say I love you all, even the ones who were mean, I love and cherish each and every person I met. You've all impacted me in some way, and for that, I'm grateful. I-I have a few people I want to say that specifically to. L-like Terezi! I love you Terezi, our roleplays have been so much fun, I'm never going to forget those, a-and you've helped me with my loneliness, when I've needed it the most…" Nepeta trailed of slightly, almost like reminiscing, before catching herself.

"oh! and theres tavros! I know he was allergic to cats, and it was hard to roleplay with he had to pretend he wasn't allergic to cats, I still feel bad for that. But it was still fun, I'm glad I got to spend time with him, I wish I could tell him to his face that I'm sorry about it all, but I can't, and I hope he can understand." She slowly got more upset as she spoke, voice wavering and bubbling with upset. Karkat could just _hear_ the olive tears rolling down her face, and it made him all the more upset himself.

**"**A-and… and Equius, to me he- scratch that, he /is/ my brother, I love him so much, and I'm so glad he would spend time with me. I-I mean- he was bossy and stuck up as hell, but he was always looking out for me, even if I didn't realize it. E-even after seeing what gamze-" she stopped abruptly, choking on a sob. The bubbling hiccups and gasps for breath were heart wrenching, bringing karkat's will to it's knees. He sobbed along with her, not even stopping when she continued to speak.

"Oh dear gog what Gamzee did…. He- his blood everywh-" the two trolls sobs in unison, drowning in their own sadness. It took pausing the tape and taking a few breaths before karkat could continue, and even then, he still sniffled and sobbed slightly, large red tears rolling down his face.

"It doesn't even matter, I'll be dead and seeing Equius soon enough, maybe my death was from my guts being pulled out slowly, or all my blood was drained, or maybe I was beheaded, who the hell is going to care? Really, I don't know anyone who will actually mourn for me. No ones gonna wonder about the stupid cat girl that would just annoy everyone, I bet even my roleplay friends just did it to keep me from whining and begging them" the recorded troll raged sadly, having to stop again to sob and recollect herself. A few minutes later she regained herself, a bit calmer than before

"I-I'm so sorry whoever found this, you probably don't even care about me, you're probably only annoyed by all this constant noise I call crying. I-in a little bit, I don't even know where I'll be, I don't know if this'll be destroyed, I-I don't even know if Gamzee will kill me quickly, o-or he'll make me suffer…" a long pause ensued, and Karkat would have swore the recording had ended, were it not for her soft breathing. It took a small while before she started again.

"I'm purr-sitive he'll make me suffer, even worse than he did to Equius... l-lets just continu-" her speaking ended suddenly when she gasped, the sound of the recorder being moved before a ruffle of clothing and the rush of feet. All was silent for only a small part of that, before some muffled yelling forced a scream of terror to be ripped from Nepeta's throat. A small thump and the clatter of the recorder hitting the ground rushed to the microphone. Karkat could not make out the next conversation, but could hear the pleading of Nepeta's voice, and the raspy, yelling tone of Gamzee's. they were making a deal of some sort, and soon Nepeta's voice got more and more desperate, that he thought Gamzee would kill her right there, the voices stopped, and the sound of soft panting and sobbing would be heard getting closer to the recorder. Said object was dragged closer to wherever Nepeta was, and her voice finally came back through, rushed and quick and fearful.

"I-I don't have much time, I have to do this fast. G-Gamzee, hes-" it cut off suddenly, the sound of yelling from both Nepeta and Gamzee as a harsh slam was heard, along with the crack of glass. Soft sobbing was heard as Nepeta gasped in pain, a soft hiss before she started again, still rushed and desperate, this time laced with pain.

"I-I wanted to say Karkat, this is completely for you, please don't shrug this off, please don't leave, I need you to hear this, _please_ karkat, _please_!" she begged, voice rising in distress and fear and sadness. It took all of Karkat's will not to stop there and vomit on the floor.

"I know you hated to roleplay with me, but even though you were rude and mean and called me autistic, you made me laugh, and you made me feel like I was special. Like, I was someone important, like I had a purpose. And that made me feel red for you Karkat. So, so much red. I love you with all of my heart, and I know you don't feel the same for me, but I love you Karkat. Please never forget this. I'll miss you the most." The next conversation was then projected to Gamzee as she turned away from the recorder, her words intelligible but still muffled this time.

"Alright Gamzee, do whatever you want to me, just please be gentle" she then turned back, finishing her recording.

"This is arsenicCatnip signing ou-" the recording then violently cut off as a piercing scream filled the air, before the recording stopped, obviously having the 'stop' button pressed. Silence then ensued, filled only by the sick gasps of Karkat, who had emptied his stomach over the machinery he was sitting next to.


	4. Chapter 4

**(CHAPTER FOUR)**

Karkat choked back a disgusted sob, sick deeper than his stomach. Taking a shaky breath, he stood and went searching for Nepeta's body, fearful for what he would find. Stumbling along the little trail made by Nepeta's blood, and into the room where she had died. Karkat kept his gaze under control, making sure he didn't immediately get an eyeful of Nepeta's body. He shakily gazed forward, fearful red eyes searching the floor carefully before finally meeting with the pool of dark olive. Lying perfectly still in the room, surrounded on all sides by her own blood, was Nepeta. Sweet, innocent, little Nepeta, who had died face first in her own blood, had been moved to the middle of the room to bleed out. She was now gently wrapped in white cloth, soiled by the so-well-known olive liquid. Her eyes were closed, and a soft smile was on her face. If the blood wasn't so evident, she would look as if she was only sleeping. But of course Karkat knew better, she was too pale and still. Soft shaky steps brought Karkat closer to her, before stopping at the edge of the wide puddle of olive. In all reality, a single step would bring him to her, and the height of the liquid wasn't enough to even reach the fabric of his shoes, but to Karkat, she was on an island a thousand feet away, in the deepest ocean in the galaxy. The stillness dared Karkat to disrupt it, and he just couldn't bring himself to do so. Sadly, his body did, for pinkish red tears slipped down his face, landing with a '_drip_' into the deep green before him. The two colors didn't mix, of course, they sat there, contrasting each other in mockery. This simple disruption of the liquid was what pushed Karkat forward to go to the cat-loving troll. With diluted red tears still streaming down his face, Karkat picked her up, the white cloth still dripping with blood. He quickly wrung it out, keeping his clothes from being ruined any more, and from it to drip onto the ground when he left with her. He had never noticed how light she was, for a troll who took down beasts six times her size, she couldn't have been more than 112 pounds. Of course, she was slightly lighter now that she was missing parts and fluids, but that didn't count. What did was that Derse dreamers had been destroyed too, and he would never get his wonderful cat troll back. He had taken her for granted, and they both paid the price. His only hope was to be able to see her in the dream bubbles, but even then, who knows what the hell is done with their souls, their dream selves are dead, so no real way to know. Maybe the humans could go look, or another troll has a clue. Really, theres no way to get to anyone without dying at this point. Karkat paused lightly in his thought… Then he would just have to die too. That would be the only way. Maybe that would be too rash; he was still the leader after all. Karkat's attention was quickly taken by the piece of hair which obscured the olive troll's last eye, drawing him back into reality. He had walked out of the room, and was working his way back to the platform where he, Gamzee, Terezi, and the other trolls were. Nepeta was curled delicately in his arms, cold and light and tiny as always. A soft sob bubbled from his mouth, guess he wasn't calmed down just yet. He continued his slow trek, eyes burning gently with unshed tears as he rounded the last few corners and slipping into the last hall. The end was nearly there, and he could hear the faint talking of the last few trolls. Instead of hurrying, he slowed down, staring down at the tiny body in his arms. Would it be selfish to only bring one body back? Equius' had already been grabbed and moved with the others, and Nepeta was the only one left. Maybe it was her death that made her special. She was the only one to be killed slowly, everyone else had a quick death, painless or not. It still seemed wrong though, like an unwritten rule. He didn't stop though, but continued to walk, albeit slowly as he inched along to the others. Soft light bathed him in greeting as he finally made it onto the platform, the rest of the trolls gathered in a small spot, watching him as he came closer. Everyone had turned around to look at him, yellow eyes scarred and judging. It made Karkat squirm, but he did not slow down anymore. Terezi had perked up slightly, sniffing gently as Karkat brought the tiny body closer.

"OH N3P…" she murmured gently, reaching out blindly for the olive blooded troll. Karkat had crouched down, gently setting the body into her blind, waiting arms. She held it close like a baby, making soft incomprehensible noises and soft sniffs of both upset and to see as she hugged the body gently, rocking slightly. Karkat had set himself behind Terezi, gazing down at the body sadly, a hand on her shoulder in reassurance. Gamzee was looking away in shame and upset, while Kanaya was only watching sadly. The room slowly filled with silence and sorrow.

**I think I'll end it here, depends on what you guys want. I might make a sequel when I get past Act 6. Just tell me if you want another chapter, I like this story a LOT.**


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